Speak without Fear #16
Great speakers are great listeners first
For a long time, I believed that becoming a better speaker meant learning how to speak better by choosing the right words, structuring thoughts clearly, and delivering them with confidence. Like many others, I focused on what I was going to say next. I practiced, I spoke more, and I actively looked for opportunities to express myself.
But somewhere along the journey, especially during my years in Toastmasters International, I began to notice something that quietly challenged this belief. The speakers who had the most impact in the room were not always the ones who spoke the most. They were often the ones who listened the most.
That realisation did not come as a theory. It came through experience.
When Listening Changes the Conversation
I remember a mentoring session with a young entrepreneur, many years ago, who walked in with a mix of excitement and confusion. As he began explaining his idea, I found myself doing what most of us tend to do when we believe we can help. I started forming advice in my head almost immediately.
But that day, I held back. I chose to listen.
As he continued speaking, patterns started to emerge. It became clear that the issue was not his business model, as I had initially assumed, but his understanding of the customer. Had I interrupted earlier, I would have given him advice that sounded right but missed the real problem.
Instead, after listening carefully, I asked a simple question: “Why do you believe your customer actually needs this?” That one question changed the direction of the entire conversation.
It reminded me that listening is not about waiting for your turn to speak. It is about ensuring that what you say is worth saying.
In Negotiation, Listening Is Leverage
This becomes even more evident in negotiation settings. I have seen people walk into negotiations fully prepared with arguments, data, and well-rehearsed points. They begin speaking early, trying to establish position and confidence. And then there are others who take a different approach. They ask a few questions, observe carefully, and listen.
By the time they speak, they are not guessing anymore. They understand priorities, constraints, and even underlying concerns that are not openly expressed. Their responses are more precise, often shorter, and far more effective.
In contrast, those who spoke first sometimes end up answering questions that were never asked. Listening, in this context, is not passive. It is strategic. It allows you to calibrate your response instead of relying on assumptions.
The Q&A Moment Reveals Everything
The importance of listening becomes even more visible during Q&A sessions. Many of us have experienced this: a question is asked, and before it is fully completed, we begin formulating an answer. Sometimes, we even start speaking before fully understanding the question. A few moments into the response, it becomes clear that we have misunderstood and the answer begins to drift.
Confident speakers approach this differently. They allow the question to be completed. At times, they even take a moment to rephrase it: “If I understand your question correctly, you are asking…”
This small step ensures clarity, gives them a moment to think, and signals respect to the person asking. As a result, their answers are more focused and relevant. They speak less, but they say more.
Connection Begins with Being Understood
We often assume that connection is built through powerful storytelling or expressive delivery. While those certainly help, connection often begins much earlier. When the other person feels understood.
In conversations, whether in sales, mentoring, investment pitching, or everyday interactions, people are constantly trying to assess whether they are being heard.
When your response reflects that you have truly understood their concern or perspective, the dynamic shifts. The interaction becomes more collaborative. Speaking then becomes easier, because it is anchored in understanding rather than assumption.
Listening Shapes Your Tone
Listening also influences something subtle yet powerful – tone. The same sentence can have very different effects depending on how it is delivered. Tone cannot be pre-planned in isolation. It must respond to the situation.
When someone is uncertain, your tone may need to reassure. When someone is defensive, it may need to soften. When someone is confident, it can match that energy.
Without listening, tone becomes rigid. And rigid tone often leads to miscommunication. Listening allows tone to remain flexible and appropriate.
A Personal Shift That Changed My Speaking
Over time, I have noticed a shift in my own approach. Earlier, I felt the need to fill silence and demonstrate that I had answers. Now, I am more comfortable pausing and allowing space for thought. Earlier, I would prepare responses while the other person was still speaking. Now, I try to stay fully present in the conversation.
Interestingly, as my listening improved, my speaking became clearer and more effective without conscious effort.
Simple Practices That Make a Big Difference
A few small shifts have made a significant difference in how I communicate. Pausing briefly before responding allows thoughts to settle. Listening not just for words, but for intent and underlying concerns, adds depth to understanding. Reflecting back what you have heard ensures alignment. Perhaps most importantly, becoming comfortable with silence creates room for better responses.
The Quiet Advantage
In a world where speaking is often equated with influence, listening remains an underrated advantage. It allows you to gather information, build trust, and refine your response – all at the same time. When these come together, communication becomes more meaningful.
If there is one takeaway from this reflection, it is this: becoming a better speaker does not begin with speaking more. It begins with listening better. Because in the end, communication is not about how much you say. It is about whether what you say truly matters.
And that clarity almost always begins with listening.
Shakya is an entrepreneur, certified trainer, and small business consultant. He can be reached for an executive mentoring session at suman@tangentwaves.com
