Nervous when speaking in public?
I still remember the tight slap I received from my teacher when I was in the fifth standard. I had mustered up all my courage to tell her that I did not want to participate in a school play as I could not utter the two-line dialogue I was given as part of my role. She promptly changed my role and made me a sentry guard who had to hold a spear and stand still outside the kingdom’s gate! I was so happy I did not have to speak.
I do not know about you, dear reader, but I was a nervous wreck when speaking in front of an audience. I avoided the situation as much as I could even to the extent that I was asked many times ‘Has my tongue been taken by the crows?’. Anxiety, greased palms, and cold sweat all over my body were common. I would pick shame over speaking any time, hoping that it would soon go away. Little did I know that the fear of speaking in public only grows with age.
Matters came to the head when my dean affectionately called me aside after my first semester while doing my Master’s in Kolkata and suggested ‘You should go back to Kathmandu and save your family’s money’. ‘Why? My marks are good.’ I replied in bewilderment. ‘But you hardly speak in class and dream of specialising in marketing. What good will it do to you if you get good grades only?’. It was just the wake-up call I needed.
‘I want to change. I want to learn. What should I do and where should I start?’ I pleaded. ‘Go and make a Bengali girlfriend’ was his wise advice. Immediately, I raised my voice ‘What is the second option?’ knowing an introvert like me would rather make a four-lane highway given a choice. ‘Then, start participating in walk-in interviews for a sales job’ came his booming reply. As ridiculous as it seemed, my journey of transformation had begun by participating in innumerable interviews and working odd jobs as a salesperson.
It was a hard climb navigating the upward stretch and undulating landscape that speaking in public brought along. I was determined. I was resolute. I was stubborn. I put myself into situations where I would have to talk in front of a group. Back in Kathmandu, when I joined Himalmedia I started speaking in front of a big group of ‘two’ salespeople recruited as interns from 10+2 college graduates. I felt I could simply boss over them but it was not as easy as it appeared. Beads of sweat appeared involuntarily even as the paper I held made a bigger noise in my shaking hands than in my voice when I spoke to them.
Thankfully, the interns were forgiving. I could not tell them that I was ‘practicing’. For what I could not do with delivery, I tried to make it up with rich content for them to learn and take home. After five years of self-help books and relentless effort, I slowly started to feel a little easy as I began to conduct ‘Sales Training’ with 100 people in one batch. I was creating a comfort zone for myself, brick by brick, with the process of learning and doing, excruciatingly slow. When I was called to teach marketing at Kathmandu University School of Management in 2000, I felt I had arrived. But only just.
I had become a better speaker. If someone like myself who even in my college days had glossophobia can transform in a few years, I believe anyone can overcome their nervousness and speak well in public. What is required is the willingness to learn, a good mentor who does not just teach, and dedicated time to practice. I still had a long way to go and wanted to be fluid like many speakers I looked up to! Then Toastmasters happened in 2004.
A friend asked me to join a Toastmasters club meeting. Without knowing what it was, I said ‘What would a teetotaler do there?’. ‘Come and find out.’ was the curt reply. I am glad I attended the meeting; it was such an eye-opener. I had hit the motherlode and decided to join immediately. Toastmasters provided me with the technical knowledge of communication skills and an environment to excel in. I grew as a speaker, as a communicator, and as a leader.
Twenty years on, after achieving the highest individual award – Distinguished Toastmaster and after being the District Director (D41, 2023-24) overseeing territories in Bangladesh, Bhutan, Nepal, North and East India during the leadership journey, joining Toastmasters has been one of the best decisions I had taken. While opportunities to conduct training for Toastmasters in multiple countries came up, I started my own customised training ‘Speak Without Fear’ to a select audience and provided executive communication mentoring services to individuals on request.
I have now relinquished leadership duties at Toastmasters, moving aside to let new leaders wear the mantle and foster the growth of Toastmasters in Nepal. ‘So, what if you are active only at the club level, you have so much knowledge to share. Why don’t you write for our HRM publication’ came a tempting and unputdownable offer from Mohan Ojha. I thought this would be another bridge to cross and decided that over a series of regular articles I would deal with one topic at a time. I hope the readers will appreciate them and provide feedback to improve.
I am an improved speaker but I still feel nervous before every speaking assignment. I am human after all; it is just that I have been able to manage the nervous energy better. To provide you with a peek into what the forthcoming articles might be, here are a few of my observations on how anxiety and nervousness impact communication skills:
Cognitive Impairment: When individuals experience anxiety, their ability to think clearly and process information can be significantly impaired. This can lead to difficulties in formulating thoughts, organising ideas, and expressing them effectively.
Physical Symptoms: Anxiety often manifests physically, leading to symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, or difficulty breathing. These sensations can be distracting and overwhelming, making it difficult to focus on the communication task.
Avoidance Behavior: Fear of negative judgement or embarrassment can lead individuals to avoid public speaking altogether. This avoidance behaviour can hinder their ability to develop communication skills.
Negative Self-Talk: Anxiety often involves negative self-beliefs and self-doubt. These negative thoughts can undermine self-confidence and hinder effective communication.
Reduced Focus: Anxiety can make it difficult to concentrate on the conversation or presentation, leading to missed cues or misunderstandings.
There are many ways to manage anxiety and nervousness and overcome the fear of public speaking. My go-to list comprises the following:
Gradual Exposure: Start with less intimidating speaking opportunities to build confidence gradually. Speaking in front of a small group of friends, or giving a brief presentation to a class in a school works wonders.
Deep Breathing Exercises: Practice deep breathing to manage physical symptoms of anxiety and calm the mind. Deep breathing exercises can be long and deliberate breathing in and out 3-5 times.
Visualisation Techniques: Imagine delivering a successful presentation, feeling confident and relaxed. Visualise yourself making eye contact with the audience, speaking clearly and confidently, and receiving positive feedback.
Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations to boost self-esteem and reduce anxiety. Remind yourself of your strengths, your accomplishments, and your ability to overcome challenges.
Preparation and Practice: Thoroughly research and prepare for your presentation. If you have good content, half the battle is won. Practice delivering it multiple times to become more comfortable with the material.
As I drive ahead and look at the rear-view mirror, I cannot help but be proud of my transformation. My nervous-wreck self is a distant version of the past as my current profession has turned me into a regular public speaker. I hope you enjoy the ride too as you hop in for the journey of learning to become a better speaker with each article.
(Shakya is an entrepreneur, certified trainer, and small business consultant. He can be reached at suman@tangentwaves.com)
